The world complete

As this years draws to a close I find myself thinking of friends and family, of changes and growth, of love and sadness. It is through the passage of every day, handling the situations that come before us, loving our partners through the thick and thin of things, trying to deal with all things with grace that we create who we are.

We need to live inside of our lives, accepting each moment, embracing each joy and learning about the truth inside of ourselves, who we are...

I wonder how we can feel so alone when we are loved, how we can feel so isolated when we hold another body so close, why we put ourselves through the anguish of despair.

I was in the hospital 2 times in the past 2 weeks and I felt so alone but I knew it was my meds, my feeling of needing comfort and my want for a soul to be completely focused on me. It wasn't worth talking to my significant other about as these needs were within me and I knew it...

I worry when that ennui starts to happen in my life, in my relationship, that I will look for a change when it is just a new feeling that I need. I am worried that my partner is feeling that and will make major decisions that will affect our lives when all it is is taking a few special moments to make each other feel loved again.

Why do we wait for the cliff in front of us before we start to work on changing the direction, the path we are on? Why not plant the flowers, sends the cards and give the kisses and the touches that create an environment of love and contentment?

Hello Body, it is me...

I turned 45 and knew that I needed to add “movement” into my life. I do not want to call it exercise as that is a “negative” word in my vocabulary. I know just even my health will improve if I include some moments of “movement” into everyday. I decided to start my work out plan by going to a boutique workout called “The Dailey Method”. It combines ballet barre work, core conditioning, stretching and orthopedic exercises until 1 hour of torture, oh, I mean workout. The one hour class effectively strengthens tones and lengthens the entire body. Light weights are utilized to define the upper body while mat and ballet barre work targets the thighs, seat and abdominals.

Now I am an average to full size woman who everyday reminds herself that I chose to be a professional corporate team player, a road warrior over focusing on my body. I now know that I didn’t have to choose but could have had both. I practice loving myself by giving the pep talk in the mirror so my confident me can go out every day and be seen.

Here starts my story of a new relationship, rocky but sweet. It is how I started to get re-introduced to my body, one sore muscle at a time. It is funny that yes, we inhabit our bodies for the course of our lives, but we lose that magic connection that children have with the body, the sense of wonderment about all that the body can do. As I started on this journey, I found that there were things that look relatively simple that I could not do, like reaching for my toes, or keeping my leg straight at the bar or even laying on the floor on my elbows. These movements were challenging and discouraging to me. I found that my range of motion had decreased alarmingly, my strength was considerably less than I expected and my ability to perspire profusely intact.

I am day 6 on this journey and yet I cannot imagine going back to where this was not in my life. I am only able to go on Fridays and Saturdays at the moment but I have also incorporated the treadmill on 2 other days during the week. This new me and my love affair of “movement” has changed my life. I look at food now as if it is worth it to eat, given that I will be dealing with the challenge of taking it off. I love the feeling of walking and feeling that little muscle in my abdomen, or on my arm, feel sore yet feel alive.

I can see my flexibility coming back to me and I can see changes. Have I lost 50 pounds? No. Have I had people stop and tell me that I look wonderful? No. But what has happened is that I look at myself different in the mirror, I feel different as I walk. I know it has to do with me, my very intimate relationship with my body and finding a place that has allowed me to re-introduce myself in a way that is non-threatening. I choose me, all of me, as I re-discover my abilities. If I can do it, then I know that anyone can.