As I started this blog about changes, I did not realize how far, how fast and how massive my changes were. I was taking baby steps with change until I got pushed off the cliff. I am not afraid of pathway, in fact, I am starting to embrace it. I am not afraid of the unknown in my journey, in fact I am learning to respect that and to loosen the bonds of control and realize that my journey is already laid out for me, I just need to place one foot in front of the other, that is how my journey begins.
I met with my coach yesterday and I walked away from that meeting feeling so good, so high, so ready for my next challenges. I went out dancing last night and I had such a wonderful time. I let my self go, be there in the moment and just enjoy the simple pleasure of moving my body around a dance floor. I laughed from the bottom of my soul, I danced like no one was looking (or maybe I danced like they were looking and liking it, hmmm that's a thought!). I smiled from my heart, I played and I just had a wonderful time. I met new people and I opened up to people that I knew before. I learned about that space where I want to be in, where I want to live at.
I have captured that feeling in my heart, to carry me, so I can take it out and ensure that each singular moment, I am truly living in the wonderfulness of the breath. I am existing in the joy and that I walking in the love. I wish this for you also, where ever you may be, join me in this change.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
The world, my view
Isn't it amazing that each year, as it draws to a close, we reminisce and wax nostalgic about all the people we have loved this year. In this context, I am talking about people who have made a difference in our lives and who we have allowed to enter into our lives. This love encompasses a wide variety of subtleties, from romantic and passionate to warm, life affirming, to a hug you while you are hurting type of love.
I have many people who I am grateful for as I review this year. There are my friends who have held me while I have cried over lost love, they have been my strength while I had none. There are my friends who do not judge, and I learn from them the ability to allow everyone their beliefs and their foibles. Then, my friends who work for social injustice, in its many forms, who make me a better citizen and a better custodian of our community, I watch them in their passion and I can believe that one voice makes a difference. They stand against intolerance and for justice. What about my friends that I play with, just spend the moment with and we laugh and we drink and we just enjoy the fleeting moment that we have etched out of our lives to spend together.
Also in the group is the people who have made me cry, whether that be in a mean spirited way or just from an emotional connection, a seeing into the spiritual. They have molded my journey this year, they have made me dig into my heart and cultivate the spring of tears. It is this harvest that I know that I am alive, that I am living a beautiful life and that I exist as a feeling person, not a robot going through the motions.
One of my greatest thanks is for my ex. That sounds funny doesn't it? It isn't. The gifts that I have recieved from our relationship I will carry with me forever and the wounds that I recieved I will heal from shortly and I will be a better partner. I now have words for my uncomfort, I now have definitions of my feelings that before did not have a form. They took the time to help me uncover them, to define them and to have them lead me to here, this moment. It was a brave step we took when we looked each other in the eyes and said I love you enough to free you from us. From having expectations, to having to perform, to having to dance to the tune I need to hear. We are both free to fly and feel the wind on our faces. We no longer tie each other down in a relationship depression. I am doing things and losing weight, where I think I wore the weight as a defence from the pain. I see the person is happier and I am happier, even though I miss the closeness, sometimes people just don't know how to be close.
This was a year of gifts from special people, I can only hope that I am as lucky in the year to come.
I have many people who I am grateful for as I review this year. There are my friends who have held me while I have cried over lost love, they have been my strength while I had none. There are my friends who do not judge, and I learn from them the ability to allow everyone their beliefs and their foibles. Then, my friends who work for social injustice, in its many forms, who make me a better citizen and a better custodian of our community, I watch them in their passion and I can believe that one voice makes a difference. They stand against intolerance and for justice. What about my friends that I play with, just spend the moment with and we laugh and we drink and we just enjoy the fleeting moment that we have etched out of our lives to spend together.
Also in the group is the people who have made me cry, whether that be in a mean spirited way or just from an emotional connection, a seeing into the spiritual. They have molded my journey this year, they have made me dig into my heart and cultivate the spring of tears. It is this harvest that I know that I am alive, that I am living a beautiful life and that I exist as a feeling person, not a robot going through the motions.
One of my greatest thanks is for my ex. That sounds funny doesn't it? It isn't. The gifts that I have recieved from our relationship I will carry with me forever and the wounds that I recieved I will heal from shortly and I will be a better partner. I now have words for my uncomfort, I now have definitions of my feelings that before did not have a form. They took the time to help me uncover them, to define them and to have them lead me to here, this moment. It was a brave step we took when we looked each other in the eyes and said I love you enough to free you from us. From having expectations, to having to perform, to having to dance to the tune I need to hear. We are both free to fly and feel the wind on our faces. We no longer tie each other down in a relationship depression. I am doing things and losing weight, where I think I wore the weight as a defence from the pain. I see the person is happier and I am happier, even though I miss the closeness, sometimes people just don't know how to be close.
This was a year of gifts from special people, I can only hope that I am as lucky in the year to come.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
The World, the year, my gifts
As this year comes to a close, I have reflected on my gifts from this year. On how far I have traveled on my personal journey...What a year, what changes, what growth! This has been a year of personal changes for me, a year of laughter and a year of pain. It has offered me a chance to look at my life and evaluate who I am and where I want to go. It has given me opportunity to see my strengths and acknowledge my weaknesses and learn how to work within them.
I have loved, I have lost, I have cared for people, I have lost some dear ones both by choice as well as death. I have held hands of some of the sweetest people and I have smiled at some of the "kings" of our times. I have been an instrument of change as well as the instrument of growth. I have been hard on myself as well as too lax. I have had to let go and realize that I cannot control forces outside of my world. I sometimes cannot even control my world.
I have watched movies that have made me cry and have had to hold my stomach for laughing too hard. My ears and heart have heard songs that have lifted me up (first one to mind is BLISS from the UK, they are incredible, listen to their song 100,000 angels, it will change you as it has me). I have eaten food as I sat with friends that tasted so wonderful, it was being in that moment together that mattered.
I have seen some incredible places this year, Venice, Greece Islands and Tahiti. I have walked where the ancients have walked and I have moved through time, as I experienced a piece of their civilization. I have felt the grandeur of the ocean and frailty of man as we travel on it and we are so small against its enormity. I have had the sweet love of my pets during this year as they look for me to walk through the door, I am their security and their talisman of love.
I have created websites and I have made a difference in people lives. I have personally changed jobs several times this year and have discovered how flexible I am. I enjoy being in the midst of change and leading the masses to a new level.
I have been tested and tried by fire. Out of chaos, I have found a side of strength. My determination and my experience have well prepared me for these moments of testing. My eyes, my heart, my life now opens with a new perspective.
Saying goodbye to love is one of the most painful situations. Letting someone go, even when it is the best thing to do, still tears at the heart. Watching them take flight, away from you, with a joy in their eyes that they did not have for you, cuts a deep wound. The bandage to that situation is the knowledge that when one door closes, another opens and sometimes it is the very thing that we are waiting for. I am waiting in the knowing that my moment, my love, is coming soon. My Heart will heal as I remember that it also wasn't the best situation for me. I now have the chance to find that person who will make my eyes light up, who wants me as much as I want them and who believes in love and wants to commit to me.
These are my gifts from this past year, these are what treasures I have taken away from the 365 days of 2007, these are my possibilities for 2008. As I open the coming year, I look with excitement to see what curves, turns, bumps, flights, and path my next 365 days will hold? Are you excited about your adventure?
I have loved, I have lost, I have cared for people, I have lost some dear ones both by choice as well as death. I have held hands of some of the sweetest people and I have smiled at some of the "kings" of our times. I have been an instrument of change as well as the instrument of growth. I have been hard on myself as well as too lax. I have had to let go and realize that I cannot control forces outside of my world. I sometimes cannot even control my world.
I have watched movies that have made me cry and have had to hold my stomach for laughing too hard. My ears and heart have heard songs that have lifted me up (first one to mind is BLISS from the UK, they are incredible, listen to their song 100,000 angels, it will change you as it has me). I have eaten food as I sat with friends that tasted so wonderful, it was being in that moment together that mattered.
I have seen some incredible places this year, Venice, Greece Islands and Tahiti. I have walked where the ancients have walked and I have moved through time, as I experienced a piece of their civilization. I have felt the grandeur of the ocean and frailty of man as we travel on it and we are so small against its enormity. I have had the sweet love of my pets during this year as they look for me to walk through the door, I am their security and their talisman of love.
I have created websites and I have made a difference in people lives. I have personally changed jobs several times this year and have discovered how flexible I am. I enjoy being in the midst of change and leading the masses to a new level.
I have been tested and tried by fire. Out of chaos, I have found a side of strength. My determination and my experience have well prepared me for these moments of testing. My eyes, my heart, my life now opens with a new perspective.
Saying goodbye to love is one of the most painful situations. Letting someone go, even when it is the best thing to do, still tears at the heart. Watching them take flight, away from you, with a joy in their eyes that they did not have for you, cuts a deep wound. The bandage to that situation is the knowledge that when one door closes, another opens and sometimes it is the very thing that we are waiting for. I am waiting in the knowing that my moment, my love, is coming soon. My Heart will heal as I remember that it also wasn't the best situation for me. I now have the chance to find that person who will make my eyes light up, who wants me as much as I want them and who believes in love and wants to commit to me.
These are my gifts from this past year, these are what treasures I have taken away from the 365 days of 2007, these are my possibilities for 2008. As I open the coming year, I look with excitement to see what curves, turns, bumps, flights, and path my next 365 days will hold? Are you excited about your adventure?
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