My world, my choices, my love...

It is a few days away from both my trip and my loves...we will be just a few states away, dealing with our families and all the love and all the trauma that they give.  We will be eating wonderful food, sharing laughter with the people from our lives, re-connecting with the past...While we are apart, I know that I will be wondering if everything is ok, if she is thinking of me and if she misses me as much as I do her.  I know that we are in for a rocky road as she is so worried that in the 5 days when she is gone if there is any possibility of her losing me...How do I say no, how do I tell her that I am crazy about her and it will be 5 long days but I know who I am coming home to...

How do you convince someone whose heart has been broken before that the same future she sees is the same future that I see?

My world, my tomorrow

As the festive season starts, many trips are planned, many functions attended, many gifts exchanged, have we taken a moment to tell the people in our lives how important they are to us?  Do we look in the eyes of our loved ones, no matter whether it is intimate acquaintances or just those on the periphery of our lives, and tell them how much they matter?

I know that the journey that I am is completely my journey but I do have passengers that I carry along, whether it is for a moment, a passage of time or for my lifetime.  I share the voyage on the ocean of life with each and everyone of you.  You are my school classmates, my work mates, my barista at my favorite coffee shop...you are my friends, my social circle, my posse no matter where I go, you are my family, my loved ones, my cousins, my brother, my sister, my mother and father.  You all come with me on this journey.  Sometimes we are singing holding hands and other times you are on your side of the road and I am here, the space is hard to reach over...

Is there ever anything that is so hard that love cannot overcome?  Anything that we would choose our pride or our beliefs over the love of each other?  I hope not, because to allow that to happen between each one of us means that we are opened to having that happen to ourselves.  I believe that the bible says it best when it says Love endures all things, love understands all things...I want always to choose on the side of love...what side will you choose?

My world, My losses

As the year draws to a close, in these final weeks...I am moved to pause and reflect upon the gifts that I have been given in the form of friendships and the pathways that they have taken.  I have given my friendship and have lost people that have left their special unique imprint on my life.

My Aunt, Gertrude, older sister to my mother...I remember her always trying to pinch my cheek and hating have to see her cuz I knew that it would hurt.  I remember her as full of laughter and the giggles.  She was the silly aunt...I have a memory of her staying at our house and as we were having church she came downstairs and wanted to get some water to drink (I think she wanted to see the service but did not know how to ask) and interupted it...I still smile as I think of her.  I have few memories of her as I got older as we lived very far away and did not see each other or correspond.  I could have been a better niece, my mother would call her and she would tell me all the latest about my aunt, what she said and how happy she was that my mother called.  I guess I thought knowing that from a 3rd party made a relationship...I could have done more, I now know that

...Tom Dillon was one of those men.  He had a wonderful baritone voice (he should, as he was an announcer for the Cardinals as well as the ASU team).  He was always so quick to smile and to laugh.  I spent many mornings walking with his wife, Bonnie, and thru her, I was able to meet and know this special man.  I saw the care that he took with his wife and the way his arms were always open for a hug.  I remember one day asking him for a favor for myself and a friend and he jumped at the chance to help me...

He love to fly and watching him in his plane was magical, he played the plane as a maestro, as a master of it, creating a orchestra of up drafts, of leveling, of freedom.  I asked if he would take me and a friend to Sedona for breakfast and I would buy him breakfast so we could experience that moment.  He did not hesitate to say yes, and off we went.  What an incredible morning we had learning about planes, watching him create the beautiful rhythm between man and plane, seeing our incredible state from 10,000 feet up.

I watched him sing at his wife's mother funereal...his voice somber and yet full of love, he was truly a Renaissance man.  Later that same morning, he stood Bonnie and was her silent support, I saw how she would look at him and how he would at her, you just knew even in pain they were together in this journey.  She has lost the love of her life and I have lost a dear friend.  You are missed Tom!

During this year I have had friends move away to new adventures and unknown charters.  People who I thought would always be around...They have seen me through many years and through some hard times, they always had a dinner or a glass of wine to handle the stress.  I will miss you Dr. C (I went to her Doctorate Graduation last January) and Lynne.  They have moved back to San Diego, where their heart has always been.  AZ loss is CA gain...

Another set of friends are moving East to Wash D.C. to climb the FBI ladder...Lynn will loved in DC as she was loved her...Her easy smile and her warmth will gain you many friends.  Lisa will enjoy all the beauty of DC...I have spent many night crying into their shoulders as well as celebrating incredible things with them.  They leave a huge whole in my heart...

There are others who have shimmered in and shimmered out of my life, they have all left me a gift in our shared journey.  Thank you for your sweet smiles, your open arms in friendship and the time that we were able to share our moments...They truly are all a part of my World and my losses...

My World, My questions

Are we ever truly happy?  Do you think that we create chaos so that we have a touch stone of happiness? I don't.  Can we truly deeply love people, a singular person, with a complete heart, find the magic and still have issues?  I think so.  Can we love someone and it is not enough?  I am wondering about that.  

How does the rest of the world handle new relationships, new situations, all the while tolerating the exes and the baggage that they bring?  I am thinking it is easier to have a completely clean break, change out all your friends and start from the very beginning all over, then try to juggle through all the chaos that it brings.  I made a mistake in that I mistook a conversation for a time when I should have been listening and validating.  We all bring to our current relationships baggage from the last ones, even from our early ones....it is interesting trying to sort through the your and mine of the baggage to get through to the real core of who we are as people.  Will I leave my relationship?  No...Do I love deeply?  Yes! Is there anything to be afraid for?  No, but how do you convince someone when they have been so hurt before?  It is by time, by love, by staying the course and having them realize that I am not going anywhere, no matter how much they push...

I want to get to the secure place, where no one ever has to wonder, Is there that place, ever????

The world and the 12 months

Funny as I get to the end of this year of 2008, I have a chance to reflect on all the changes and incredible moments that I have been through.  I have had some stressful things happen to me, changing jobs, moving, and some incredible thing like finding myself and finding unexpected love.  I have laughed like there is no tomorrow at silly things (Jane..."Are you *&^%-ing drunk or sumpting?"), cried without comfort over loss, spent days in bed in love, never wanting to move.  I have looked deep in the soul of someone and have fallen head first into a place that I only dreamed existed.  I have written poetry my whole life, singing the praises of what my love would be like and then it shows up, smack dab in my life.

It is a miracle that love, slithers in, under the walls that we have all built, over the ruins of past relationships, through the dampness of tears and beyond the heat of anger, into the tropical oasis of our hearts.  We instantly recognize them for who they are in our life, because our hearts have allowed them access to that hallowed space.

I know for a fact it was a joy that captured me, a feeling that I haven't been that excited for a long time about anyone.  It was an anticipation for a phone call or the next email that captivated me.  It was the unfolding of a treasure, both my heart and her heart.  It was the ability to talk for hours into the night and not be tired the next day...it was a thirst that couldn't be quenched.

I still have that thirst, even though we spend hours together, I still have that ache for more, even though I know that I am full...This love is my greatest gift of this year, actually, it has been my whole life waiting for this moment.  I treasure each moment that I am gifted with, knowing that my heart has found its home...

The world of Promise

Isn't it amazing that one day we wake up in our lives?  It is the day we truly open our eyes and see the wonder that surrounds us, the love that holds us safe and the laughter that guides us through the ups and down of this journey.  It is the day that you look around at the loved ones in your life, and you see that there is a special someone who inhabits your world and that they are looking back at you in that same special way.

Magic moments that are shared truly make the every day grind of life, worth living.  It is a smile that captures you, it is the twinkle in the eye that charms you, it is the arms that hold you and you feel safe.  Why do we try to seperate and not connect when it is in that connection that gives us the power and the passion to exist?  Why do we medicate ourselves beyond feeling, feed ourselves as a form of complacency or fill in the holes of our life with people or things that are not healthy for us?  I know that I have done that and that my life has changed with this new attitude.  I know that now, I look at the bite of food and validate whether it is healthy for me or not, if I truly need to order something more, or if I can walk somewhere and move this body, that is my temple.  I now know that I am in control of what happens to me, my body and in my life and I will not fall asleep again.

I have started to create a life that is filled with love, filled with special people and filled with special moments.  As I create this life, I am learning so much about me and about what makes me happy.  I am finding my voice and I am being heard.

Whenever we open ourselves for new people entering our lives, we must appreciate them for the gifts that they bring, cherish the ones who have brought us to the place were we are and learn the lessons that we have been taught.  Sometimes these people leave our lives as we have released them from the power that hold on us.  Sometimes they stay and move over for the new person and sometimes, just sometimes, they have trouble growing along side of us as we spread our wings.

I am open to my new treasures in my life, and I grateful for the ones that have touched me. 

The world from a Golf Tee

So, I played GOLF yesterday, didn't do too bad, had a great start, hit some great shots....and then I fell, cartoon like, feet out from under my body and body in air then crashing to the golf cart path. I tweaked my hips and jammed my shoulder, but the trooper that I am I kept playing. It is addictive to see how long, how hard, how close I could get a little ball to a little hole.

I now understand how that happens, people chasing a color object being out doors. I no longer am a disbeliever but a bonafide participant in this pleasurable activity that some call a sport.

I am still aching from my fall, but I laugh it off as a war wound from my new passion. It is all about camaraderie and the game.

I truly understand and I apologize for not getting it sooner.

My World, The Brave, Silent Ones

Giving isn’t the easiest thing for us to do. It takes effort, whether we are donating money or our time for a cause. There is a very special breed out there that juggles work, having a secular life along with finding the time volunteer to help in the community. These people spend their evenings planning functions, showing up for events, working functions when they would rather be attending. These are the people who the bible calls “servants of others” who enjoy the soul giving that come from helping other people and serving for the greater good.

I have made it a personal mission to start to be a volunteer, to start serving others, in my quest for personal growth. I have met many people who have opened their hearts and found in it the ability to be the silent givers of our community. These are the ones who show up to set up, who give the gift of time and planning for our venues, who help out when they see a need. These are the people who do not get thanks, who don’t get recognized for all they do, who help make each function we attend, special and well run. The ones who attend every function so that the masses are there, who work on causes that should be near and dear to all of hearts, toiling many hours. These are the ones who also work in the non-profit field for less than standard pay, because they believe in what they do. These are the ones that are the first to rally to a cause.

The question that I face is what do I give? How can I complain about the issues in my community if I do not take an active part in changing it? How do I go about creating the change that I want to see? It is by showing up, by being there, by fighting alongside my brothers and sisters, even in the little things. It is by being at each event, by giving of my time and money to help, it is about acknowledging that change is created by each brick that we either build or tear down. It is in the little things that we do. It is by fighting apathy in every moment. It is by helping those who are already in the ditches fighting our collective battles. It is by learning, watching and, most of all, doing!

We are in a war of our lives, for our lives. Whether it is for the rights of all women, for our gay community, for the causes that are near and dear to each of our hearts, no matter what they are, we need to show up, ready to dig in and help!

If you know of someone in your circle who is a volunteer, thank them, spend a moment and see what they do and maybe, even just maybe, ask how you can help! You might surprise yourself and enjoy it, even if it is only for one function a month. Share the weight of change and see how much you are changed in the process. And as you volunteer, remember to smile and enjoy your gift, it is a wonderful feeling, giving just to give!

The World and My Herstory

My parents 50th anniversary is coming up and I am filled with awe and with a sense of sadness. I love them like they will be here forever, and yet there is those moments when the reality hits so hard, they won't and I don't know how I will deal with it!

My mother has an aneurism on her brain and needs to be careful, she is like a walking time bomb. I am becoming the expert in that topic also. I feel it is better to know everything about your enemy then to allow it to sneak up on you. She is in good spirits but she is also scared as she looks through a different viewpoint now, of what living and loving entails. I wonder how they look at each other and not cry, knowing that any day could be the last? I am in awe of the love that they share and that they feel for each other. I know a day will come when one of them is not here and on that day, I will lose another parent as well. I do not know if they could live without the other, or even maybe if they would want to. That speaks volumes as a testament to their love!

We are planning a party for our family for their anniversary. All the food that we enjoy, there will be excellent food, fantastic wine, good music and a whole hell of a lot of laughter and talking, it is what we do! I cannot wait to be there celebrating the moment when we all became family, those many years ago. I will video the whole evening and start a TV station so we can see it! I will post the link when it is done, ok?

Anyway, this has me thinking about my life and the things that I want in it and the people who I want in it! I don't want to settle for anything less than the love that my parents have. I can wait, I know it is out there, looking for me!

The world through the darkness

I have been collecting my thoughts of late and haven't been very vocal, hence I haven't posted for a while. I went on a cruise to Cozumel, Grand Cayman, Turks/Caicos and Half Moom Cay. We were on the Holland America Line and they were their usual wonderful. The sites were interesting. I swam in the deepest water that I have ever swam in (don't tell my mother) It was 7,000ft deep, it was in Turks and we swam to the edge of the "drop off" to the "Wall" where it drops way into the ocean. All I could think off was the tune "da dum, da dum..." It was interesting to see the royal blue turn into an indigo at your feet.

I have been sad lately, I think I might be depressed. It is a deep feeling of not belonging. I think that is natural when a person goes through changes. It is hard to see the end of the forest when one is lost within all the brambles and bushes that life has to offer. I ate dinner with friends last nite and we laughed so hard, they are so easy to be with. They cheered my spirits and they weren't even trying.

I am going to try some natural herbal remedies to see if that helps enhance my mood and helps me sleep a little better.

The World, gray clouds and blue sky's

Isn't it funny that we live our life often measured by the smiles we shared or the hugs that we have given and yet there are moments when those milestones seem so far away. We get lost in a land of negativity and our tolerance for people becomes less and less and we get edgier whenever someone asks something of us. I find that I am in that land right now, I cannot stand to talk on the phone, don't want to hear what people have to say and really don't like their viewpoints, especially if it crosses mine.

I am trying to examine the whys of this situation and I find that it is ALL the things that I have wanted to say over the years and held back as good girls/women do, it is the times when someone spoke down to me, or abusively to me, or the mean spirited tone of someone. So, as I reflect on this it is my past that I am angry with and not my moment, here and now. It is the loved ones and strangers from yesterday that I am angry with and the ones here front and center are just having to deal with the aftermath.

In this is two lessons for me, 1. I need to treat everyone kindly, with compassion so as not to affect their future moments and 2. I need to release the pain from long ago, clear my throat chakra and just be in the now moment, not allowing the past to affect a precious shared moment or possibility.

I will try to take a moment, breathe through my pain (real or imagined) and smile at the person in front of me and know, that I choose to make a difference...

The World, making a difference in fractions

Using our resources to actuate change and being empowered and aligned with our communities.

"I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver."--Maya Angelou

What a profound quote by a modern day Sage. You and I, part of this wonderful community, have a support system, namely each other. We are here to meet new people, talk about our lives and use the tools that have been created for this community to better our lives. We can make a difference with each other just within the "virtual" walls of this safe place. I count myself blessed that I/we have this haven. Many people are not so fortunate.

I wake up every day looking for ways to effect change and I have come to realize that everyone can make a difference on her or his own, but it is when we work with other people, that we create an even greater impact.

By working with other people, I am talking about supporting the local charities and Non profits in our home towns. I am talking about the grass roots efforts to make life better for many people, whether it be for social change or for welfare or for health.

As a Board Member of a non-profit in AZ, we often come up against that glass ceiling of giving. Obviously, money is important to keep the doors open, but there are other ways to help besides just handing over a check. How can I help make a difference? Here are some tips:

Time: Look in the local magazine for organizations and call to see if they need volunteers. Ask some of your local community leaders organization if they know of any organizations that can use your efforts. If you run out of options, then VolunteerMatch is a great place to start looking for a volunteer opportunity.

Money: Even $10.00 or more helps keeps the doors open. What about becoming a member in the organization? What about your business services? Can you offer it to the organization at cost? Can you donate something for their silent auctions? If you want to search by issue for a cause to support, Network for Good and Global Giving are two places to start. Think about changing your will and leaving part of your estate to a cause that is important to you and your family.

Skills: Mentor someone, help the organization with your skills, sit on the board, help plan events that will benefit the charity, use your talents to help foster change in any way.

Things: If you have high end items, donate them to the charity or find a consignment store and list your charity as the owner of the items. They will be able to turn things into cash. If you only have small items, ask your local organization if there is a family in need or if they have a place that could your items. If all else fails, bring them to Goodwill or public library near you to donate clothes and books.

Giving doesn't have to be through an organization or institution. Small acts of kindness count too. This can be as simple as buying someone a coffee, buying a breakfast for a board meeting, giving a gift, or bringing a meal to someone in need. It is about learning to keep our eyes open to opportunity and our hearts open to the concept of giving in all its forms.

Most of all, giving is good for us. In December 2007, the New York Sun article, Why Giving Makes You Happy reported that: "According to the Social Capital Community Benchmark Survey, a survey of 30,000 American households, people who gave money to charity in 2000 were 43% more likely than non-givers to say they were 'very happy' about their lives. Similarly, volunteers were 42% more likely to be very happy than non-volunteers. It didn't matter whether gifts of money and time went to churches or symphony orchestras — givers to all types of religious and secular causes were far happier than non-givers."

Each one of us have the opportunity to create a legacy of who we were as we lived, I want to be known as someone who cared and who made a difference in my community, what do you want to be known for?

The World, The New Creation

Every morning I wake up and I say to myself, I am going to have an incredible day. Sometimes It is a incredible wonderful one and sometimes it is not. But I start my day, thinking only positive and joyous things. I want to be known for my upbeat viewpoint, my thinking the best about everyone, my caring heart. I want to be known for the smiles that I have shared, for the hugs that I have given, for the warmth that carried as my aura.

I am working on myself and have decided to take some classes about relationships, so I can know what to do in the next one and what not to do. To find that center within myself so I do not give so completely that I forget about myself. I need to learn about boundaries and what love entails. Does it include me giving you my soul and you expecting it? I don't think so. I think it means that in being ourselves with each other, we learn to love and accept the parts that are different and not place an emphasis on our differences but on the things that bring us together.

I am hoping that love comes knocking softly at my door, smiles at me and takes me into the warmth, on the outskirts, the fringes of passions fires, lays next to me and eternity begins. I just hope that I recognize it and understand and accept everything my loves is as I want them to do for me!

My wishes for the next few months is to open myself up to possibilities, to not be afraid and let fear go, in all aspects of my life, to grow and feed my soul with inspiration and love. I hope that for the world, I hope that for each soul that is breathing.

I learned about my grandmother and grandfather that they had a grand passion from the moment that they met. They had hard circumstances that had affected them in thier lives but they still loved each other. The younger generations do not want to think about our parents passion, or our grandparents but that is a gift that they give us, each time we look in the mirror, we see ourselves, but we are a fruit of that passion, of that love. Why are we so afraid to talk about it? It is the cornerstone of the world turning, of love songs being sung of babies being born and yet it is only talked about in whispers, in giggles, in silence. We should hug the older couples who have made it this far, we should tell them how much thier love has affected us, we should being it up to our parents and say wow, I am so glad that you two met and allowed yourselves to fall in love, what a gift!

The world and all it possibilities

Sunday, I was lucky enough to get to be outdoors on a boat at a beautiful lake in AZ. It was glorious, just a little cool when we were going fast, but soul warming when we were just lazing along. The sunset was breathtaking with the gold, orange and purple against the red cliffs. It was a magical experience. There really is something to the saying about truly living in the moment and all the possibilities that it holds.

I had an experience yesterday at the lake that cemented my belief in people and learning to live in joy with our experiences. I was waiting at the lake for my friends to show up on their boat (they had gone out earlier and were coming back in to get me). It is confusing and we did not really state exactly where we would meet. I waited at the public places like the bait shop and the supply dock and then I got into the slip area, I waited and they were about an hour late, but I was not upset nor was I going to leave just yet. I figured that I would go back to the public area just in case they needed gas or something. As I was walking, I just released any worries and decided that I was actually having fun, even without my friends. I arrived to the public area and as I was waiting there, someone came up to me and asked if they had forgotten me, I said probably, she then asked if I was waiting for Gwen and I said no, but I was waiting for Jane in the slip next to Gwen.

She said why don't you wait at my boat for them, since we can see them come in from there. I followed her to her slip and she got me a chair and we were talking. Now picture this, I am talking to a complete stranger, following her to her boat slip, this woman took a moment out of her day to talk to me, isn't that incredible? As we were on her slip deck, and talking like old friends, who shows up but Jane and the gang. They couldn't believe that I did not leave them and that I was sitting on the dock of the lake waiting for them with a complete stranger. I hoped on the boat and we went on our way.

But, my point of this story is that someone took a chance and got involved with a complete stranger, she took a moment to show an act of kindness and it turned out to have an incredible ending. I will have a soft spot in my heart for her and the lesson that she gave me. It is a wonderful thing to reach out and help someone, even risking rejection. I will personally reach out my hand more often, get out of my comfort zone and risk, because of the gift that Lenora gave me. It is possible to just be in the moment and see the joy that we can give to others as well as experience it from each other.

Who can you help or just support in someway, what stranger can you give the gift to?

The World and Technology

So I have finally succumbed and joined the iTunes revolution. I am now part of the technorati that has encompassed personal musical devices. Am I the only one who worries that we are slowly becoming more and more separated? We are in our home offices on the internet, we are listening to our own music, in our own space, traveling, at work, in the car, anywhere, we can watch our own TV shows and movies anywhere we have the gadget, we can text anyone without talking to them face to face.

We now can live without so much human interaction. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? On one hand, people can't get under our skin so much as we can just shut them out, turn off the annoyance. We also don't have to rise up out of our shyness and meet people in the usual places, bars, work, shopping. We don't have to exercise our vocabulary as we only need to be able to type. We no longer have to be honest as we can type what we want people to know and not what our personal truths are. We can watch DVD's as we travel cross country.

We no longer have to look in someones eyes as we break up with them, we just need to text or email our dear johns, we have made ourselves not responsible for their pain...We no longer get that exquisite moment of being vulnerable with someone, as we hold our breathe and wait for them to look in our eyes and see if the ocean of possibilities float there. We no longer get to understand the human condition, test our patience and see our own personal foibles as we have made a 1 degree of separation from actually experiencing our humanity or others. We no longer get to learn tolerance as all we have to do is switch something on to switch them off. We no longer get the full experience of driving in a car and actually having to talk, learning about each other or our parents, or even actually seeing the beautiful country that we live in! We no longer have to learn how to look at a map, when all we have to do, is program the GPS to talk us to where we want to go.

I realize that with technology comes great innovations, but I do believe that we are losing one that matters the most, our humanity. Where will the quest or hunger for our curiosity come from? Where will our learning about love and acceptance be taught? Where do we teach tolerance for each other and how will we practice it when the going gets tough? How do we
understand the process of falling in love if we do not have to make ourselves vulnerable and open ourselves to another? How will we understand that each night, all around the world, kids are getting tucked in, filled with hopes and wishes and dreams with current themes, and they all have one thing in common, they are all human and only technology can take that away?

My Review of BlackBerry Pearl 8100 Sapphire Blue w/ myFaves

Originally submitted at Wirefly

The super-slim, ultra-light BlackBerry Pearl for T-Mobile is the next class of BlackBerry device. Like all BlackBerry devices, the Pearl provides possibly the best on-the-go email solution for mobile professionals. But this new BlackBerry includes a good camera, a built-in music player and Bluetoot...

BlackBerry Pearl 8100 Sapphire Blue w/ myFaves

From a PDA to a PITA

By Facin8 from Phoenix, AZ on 1/17/2008

 

4out of 5

Phone Size: Compact

Bluetooth Connectivity: Quality Connection

Data Connection Speed: Fast

Cell Phone Camera: No Video Option, Easy To Use, Takes Clear Pictures

Pros: Good Interface w/email, Great Battery Life, Attractive Design, Trouble with the Pre-Fill

Cons: Non QWERTY Keypad, Small Buttons, Trouble with Prefill, Screen Scratches Easily

Best Uses: Email On The Go, Making Calls

Describe Yourself: Business Professional, Practical

I had a difficult time transferring from a PDA 6700 to the Blackberry with the scrolling ball and applications on window...until someone showed me how to get to the classic screen of a PDA. I now love my Blackberry and all that it can do...just wished that it had my game from my PDA on it!

(legalese)

The world of the New Year

What a ride for the last few weeks...How wonderful the holidays are to really remind us of changes and of our families. I got to go home to VA and see my family and spend the holiday week there. We laughed until our sides hurt, we ate some incredible meals, we drank some wonderful wines and mostly we just spent the time reconnecting.

I helped them put in a wireless network and we got some new equipment for their office. We put in a new HP TouchScreen computer that has incredible graphics and is so easy to use (even if it is on Vista). She was so happy to get something new to use. They live so far out in the country that they are finally getting broadband via wireless ISP. They were on dial up and I do not know how they survived this long in the information age with that tool.

It is such a trip to go home and not have any of your things there. It reminds you of all the feelings that you had but with none of the touch stones that make it familiar. I think that embodies the journey of life. We get those familiar feelings with friends, lovers or situations, but if we have been gone too long from them, they are just reminders of a time when we lived there, in that moment with them.

I have started 2 stepping, country dancing as my exercise form for this year. I go 2 times a week on Thursday (where they teach new steps) and on Saturday's. I go to dance and I love it. I remember when I was younger and we would go out clubbing and we would dance for hours...I never exercised and was always losing weight, so I figured this was a start for my new years resolution of exercising.

I have also decided not to stress out, learn to breathe through it and stay calm and focused. All that sounds easy but when it hits me, it is hard to remember. I leave to Santa Barbara for my Friends Doctorate Celebration. She Graduates from the Fielding School on Saturday and we will go wine tasting and just celebrate this milestone. She teases me that I need to call her Doctor...I tell her she is crazy...